New Directions

Have you ever felt lost but still kept going in the same direction because you think it won't get you more lost if you have to turn around? Have you ever felt that bad things keep happening and when you look up to see the stars, you find your path is covered by trees that hide the light?

Honestly, I have too.

These past couple of months, I have been struggling with a lot of things. I'm a girl who knows where I want to go and I have a plan to get there. Turns out, my plan isn't always the best one. Thankfully my heart is my compass and even though these past couple of months have been full of stress and a desperate search for a way out of a horrible situation, when I followed the compass it led me to a clearing.

I was working for this company that I loved working for when I first started. The managment team was a team. Customers were happy and kept happy, no matter the cost. People started to leave and things started to change for the worse. Customers and employees were not treated with kindness and honestly, I was ashamed to say that I was a part of that team. I knew that what I was doing was right but it felt that I was the only one doing it. New faces came and went. It got better, then worse. I started searching for another job after I realized that the company did not care much about the employees, just about how to cut costs. They stopped caring about good customer service and being the bigger person.

I had been asking my family and friends to pray. I didn't tell them what to pray for because, quite frankly, I didn't know what to pray for either. I wanted a way out but I know that my plan is not always the best one. So, I waited, prayed and asked for others to pray with me. I had many interviews over the last few months. Two weeks ago, I had an interview with another company. I loved the feeling when I walked in. Even those who are not in management are part of the team. Everyone is striving to reach the same goal and I like that. I like working on a team who actually works as a team. I was given a second interview with the Director of the company. They asked some tough questions that made me question the plans I thought I had. Those questions I still need to answer. The director seemed to take a liking to me and said that I would be a perfect fit for the company. There is room to grow and be able to provide for my family.

I didn't hear anything for a while. Today, I receive a phone call from my new boss. She gave me great news and I start my new job, this week. She quoted my salary at a number I was not expecting but even if I start out as part time, I will be able to provide for my family. I know that God watches us and He knows what we need. Sometimes we just have to be patient and wait for His direction, not our own.

So, I think I am going to follow my career in this new direction.

Also, with crocheting, I might be taking that in a new direction as well. I am thinking of patterns to create. My own that will be published on Ravelry. I would love for my patterns to be in a magazine one day, but first thing is first: I need to write some patterns.  I am still working on my first graph-gahn pattern. There are so many ideas that I am getting or smaller projects. If only I could put the picture from my head to the yarn, that would be swell.

New directions are sometimes a bit nerve racking. I have a really good feeling about these. Of course, my thirst for adventure may never be quenched but, I do love adventure. I am so thankful to my husband who has put up with all of me. The stress, the long nights and my rants. He has gotten upset alongside me and for me. He is my rock and the reason I have smiled. I am going to take these next couple of days off and spend them with him. He doesn't believe me, but I could have never asked for a better gentleman to go on these life adventures with.

Remember, you are beautiful and well loved.

Also, happy first birthday to my cousin, Miles! I'm sorry we can't be there to help you celebrate.

Lessons Learned From Mom

I have learned many things from my mom as well as my dad. Some of the lessons overlap and there are still lessons that don't.

1. Only you have to be comfortable in your own skin.
2.  If there is something you don't like, change it.
3. Make up is an accessory not an outfit.
4. People do what they believe is right, even when the rest of the world thinks they are wrong.
5. No matter how much you have been hurt or scarred you are NEVER broken
6. Being strong doesn't mean that you never cry and being brave does not mean never walking away
7. For every uphill struggle, there is a downhill coast
8. Don't fear change
9. Forgive quickly
10. Sometimes, all you need to do is listen 
11. Love people for who they ARE, not what you think they should or would be
12. Second chances never run out. The moment you give up on someone is when you will miss the moment you have been waiting for
13. Forgiveness does not let the person off the hook, it simply removes the hook from your own mouth
14. Live with no regrets. There is something to be learned from every mistake
15. A garden was never grown overnight, neither are relationships

What are some life lessons you learned from your mother/mother figure?

Remember that you are beautiful and well loved.

Lessons learned from Dad

1. Even the strongest person in the world can hurt
My dad was always Superman, in my eyes. Bulletproof and never feared anything. I never saw him hurt, except when I was hurting too. I don't remember much from when I had a brain tumor, but what I do remember is moments captured in time. He would give me my I.V.'s (he was a medic, so he could), I would cry but I tried not to after the first time I did and I saw his face. It hurt him too. Once, my migraines were so bad they gave me morphine and I'm told that I was still screaming. I don't remember but mom said he cried then too. It hurt him that he couldn't do anything to help me. I know that I have hurt him too. Superman was still hurt by Kryptonite even if he was bulletproof.
2. Things, are just things. If they get broken or lost, it is okay because all that matters is that everyone is okay. You can't replace people but you CAN replace things.
 My dad had this hat that I really loved. It was kind of like an Indiana Jones style hat with a rattle snake tail on it. I played with the tail all the time because it rattled. I knew that it was Dad's favorite hat and one day the tail broke off. I burst into tears thinking of how much trouble I was going to be in and that I just broke Dad's favorite hat. Instead of being angry, he wrapped his arms around me and the first thing he said was "Are you okay?" When I nodded through sobs, he said told me this lesson: "Things can be replaced. As long as you are not hurt, I'm not angry." Then he held me until I stopped crying.

And the rest have too many stories to pick just one:

• Love people for who they ARE, not what you think they should or would be
• You can do anything that you set your mind to
• People are often wrong about what they think you are capable of, the only thing stopping you is You
• You are well loved, even if you think you are alone
• Love is not bound by distance or time
• Second chances never run out. The moment you give up on someone is when you will miss the moment you have been waiting for
• Forgiveness does not let the person off the hook, it simply removes the hook from your own mouth
• Live with no regrets. There is something to be learned from every mistake.
• If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either.
• A garden was never grown overnight, neither are relationships.
• Treat others how you want to be treated. Respect is never given without some in return.

What are some life lessons that you learned from your father/father figure?

Remember that you are beautiful and well loved!

I'm Probably Still, Daddy's Girl

 

I know that it is a little late, but I wanted to write a Father's Day post.

First, I want to say that I love my dad. I am seen as very independent but somewhere inside, I know that I was and probably still am a Daddy's Girl.  My dad was born into the military. His dad, my Papa was in the military and my dad followed. He is an amazing human being, though he has made his share of mistakes. He has taught me many things and still teaches me many things.

I remember reading, throwing the ball around the yard (and in the house). I remember studying but still finding time to have fun (something I wish I remembered how to do in High School and College). He is intelligent and creative. He would build things with his hands and they were beautiful. Once, he recycled our old, wooden bed-frame, to create a ball target for pitching when my brother, Chris, was interested in Baseball. He built this really cool mantle piece that you could take the lid off and hide things. Our bookshelves were made by him. 

If he didn't know how to make or fix something, he didn't go in blind. We didn't have interenet back then and even if we did, it wasn't that fast and any time someone called it went out. Do you remember those days? He took classes at Lowes. While my brother and I made terrible attempts at building bird houses, my dad was learning how to fix the plumbing, peel the horrible puke pink wallpaper off our bathroom wall, fix our popcorn ceiling and whatever else they offered. I didn't even know that plumbers and handy men existed because my dad was all of that. 

I think I get my independence from him. I was already independent but when I saw all that he could do, I wanted to do it too. I wanted to do it all and no one was going to stop me. I know that he certainly wouldn't, he hasn't tried to stop me before.

There was a time, after the divorce, that we really drifted. There were some lies that were told to me about him, but I heard them almost every day until I believed them. He would call every chance that he got just to tell me how proud he was of me and I'm not sure why he was, to this day. As soon as I hung up, I was thrown back into a world of lies and pain. Then, the e-mails stopped. The phone calls only came once in a while and I found, much later that he was not the cause of it. But, I was mad at him and if there was anything that I ever regreted in life, it is that I couldn't tell the difference between truth and lies. 

After I graduated high school, I went to his retirement. Mostly because I wanted answers and the answers I got were probably what caused a shift in the universe. My universe. I learned that he never did stop e-mailing and nither did the rest of my family. I learned that he was always and still is in my corner. I learned that I could still tell him anything and though he may tell me exactly what he thinks, he still believes in me. I learned that a father's pride is like aloe on a burn. I learned that even when it hurt to know that I didn't know, he never stopped loving me.

And when the day came, two years ago for him to walk with me he did it in a heart beat. He hadn't met Jerad before the wedding week. But he told me that I have a good head on my shoulders and if he makes me happy, go for it. He says the same thing, today about some of our choices in career, family...

I love my dad. I respect him. The way that he shows his love, the advice he gives and the example he sets for me, even still...I know I'm still his little girl and there is nothing that can change that.

I love you, Dad! Forever and Always. Thank you for always being in my corner. Even when I didn't know it. Even when it hurt that I didn't know. I'm sorry that I ever hurt you.

Remember that you are beautiful and well loved!

Summer Shrug CAL update!

If I haven't said it before, I'm going to say it now: I love Crochet Alongs (CALs)! I love knowing that I'm not working on a project alone. There are some people who are able to work ahead and in turn help answer the many questions that I end up having. These people are patient and enjoy helping others who share the same interests in making things that they do.

This is my second CAL and another one of my "Firsts". The last CAL was my first shawl. This one is my first article of clothing that isn't a poncho. Yes, I am working on a shrug, along with several others who are working on the same pattern. The pattern is amazing! I have had some troubles with it but I cough that up to trying to de-stress from my current job which makes my brain not work correctly all the time and things that should make sense, don't. So, my confusion is of no fault of the pattern's author. Just mine.

I have enjoyed seeing what everyone has chosen as their colors for the shrug. One chose to do theirs in autumn colors, which I just love and I wish I had the yarn needed for that one! Looks like I might have to meander on down to the local craft store and see if I can find any. Oh, no! What a terrible, terrible task....ha!

We are all on clue two out of three, or four. I have finished the body of the shrug and seamed the sleevies (as my husband and I call them thanks to a youtuber (Markiplier). Here is a picture of where I am at, right now.

I'm getting ready to do the border around the opening of the neck-waist. This pattern is available for $5 (USD) on Ravelry. Adrienne writes such beautiful patterns and I am excited to see how this one turns out as well as what other patterns she has in store.

What projects are you working on? Feel free to post in the comments below and if there is a link to the pattern, feel free to post that as well!

Remember that you are Beautiful and well loved.

RAKs and CALs

 

Yesterday,  I recieved a package from a beautiful heart, (Knitru) who is in a Random Act of Kindness group that I joined. This month, I asked for yarns so that I could get busy with a granny square blanket for someone special. She warned me of a "Yarnsplosion" and I am so excited with what she gave me. I love each and every one of the colors and I can't wait to see how they look in the blanket. Thank you, so much, Knitru! You are amazing and you helped make my week. 

I also received a Dragon shawl pattern from_ Vivilion. It is a pattern that I have been wanting to try and now that I have the pattern, I am waiting for my yarn to tell me that it is ready to be made into a DRAGON! So, hopefully a future post will be of my journey making this beautiful dragon shawl.

  

In other news! CALs have started again! For those of you who don't know what it is, a CAL is a Crochet Along. I participated in one a few weeks back and enjoyed it so much that I joined another one by the same person! This pattern that she is making is of a Summer Shawl. I am so excited because it is my first piece of clothing (that isn't a poncho). I am making one in a pale yellow color and I'm hoping that I am able to make one that rocks as much as the pattern does. The great thing about CALs is that I'm never making it alone and I can ask as many questions as I need to. There is a wonderful group of crocheters that are ready and willing to help explain when I don't understand.

What are you working on? What was something nice that someone has done for you or you have seen done for someone else?

Feel free to post in the comments below and check out my other posts!

Remember you are beautiful and well loved!

I've been working on a pattern!

Have you ever had that moment when you know exactly what you want to make for someone and you spend hours searching for the pattern that matches the picture in your head, only to reach the horrible conclusion that no one has made a pattern for it yet? I most certainly have. From potholder designs to shawls to blankets. I have a picture in my head of what I want to make and no pattern to go off of.

I have been thinking of writing my own patterns ever since I started to crochet, back in 2013. I never have because I wasn't comfortable with knowing what stitches to use and all that good stuff. Now, that I know a lot of stitches and have crocheted enough that I think I have grasped the concepts of a good design, I'm going to try my hand at it.

The pattern that I am writing, right now is one that I have spent months trying to find on the internet and in craft stores. My husband is a huge fan of the Boston Red Sox, baseball team. I know, I know, but to each their own. Me? I'm an Arizona Cardinals fan but I don't even think they are in the same league. All judgement aside, I decided that I wanted to crochet him an afghan for Christmas. Yes, I am aware that it is only June but it takes me a few months to make a blanket. I have two that I need to make right now.

I couldn't find a pattern for the Red Sox, anything, anywhere. It was difficult enough finding a hat for him, last year. Which my Aunt Amy got him and he loves! So, I decided to make a pattern. It took me a couple of days to actually draw out the pattern and then I transfered it to graph paper (difficult to find the amount of squares I needed). Now, I am working on the blanket and writing out the pattern as I go. So far, I'm on row 22 but I'm not even a quarter of the way yet.

I'm not sure how long it is going to take to write the pattern. Probably as long as it is going to take to make the blanket. I am really enjoying writing the pattern and I think that I will write more after this. I am also thinking of selling my patterns on Ravelry and possibly Etsy. I wouldn't sell them for much but it would be a great way to keep my yarn stash growing so that I can create new patterns.

What is your method of pattern writing, if you have written one?
What is your favorite pattern (it doesn't have to be yours)?
Feel free to let me know in the comments below! Also check out some of my other posts!

Remember, you are beautiful and well loved.