Working mother fears..

It seems that the number one question for any newly wedded couple is “So, when are you having kids?” I understand that children are the light of the future and a joy, as well as an experience to have. I think that many, if not all, married couples want to have children at some point, in their life but I don’t think that we all agree that there “is no time like the present”.

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and we are constantly hearing the question from family and friends. More recently, we have begun to talk about parenting methods and wanting to have kids. The topic of conversation usually arises when we see a cute child in the store or at the park. Our hearts immediately melt and we want nothing more than to have kids. There are a few small problems that I find.

1.      He wants kids and he wants them now. Don’t get me wrong, I want kids and I love the idea of having little feet pattering down the hall. But, I’m a little more practical thinking.

2.      I want to have a more stable job before we start having kids. Right now, I work at a fast food restaurant that does not provide health insurance, much less maternity leave. Within the next few months, I hope to have everything in line for a teaching job.

3.      I don’t think I’m ready, even though I know he is.

I’ve read a few things on the internet and in a few books that don’t calm my fears.  I am the kind of person who needs to know what to “expect when expecting”. I don’t like surprises. I look up what the doctor might do before I go in for an appointment. I hate surprises! So, I’ve done some reading.

What I read, helps a bit. I’m still nervous and what not but my nerves and fears come from something that I can’t find on the internet or in a book. I know all about the swelling that happens ALL over your body. Your feet swell, arms, legs, butt, chest, belly…everything swells and I understand some of the reasons behind the why of all of that happening. I am not comfortable with doctors, much less doctors being THAT close to my anatomy. I have resolved that I can get over it rather quickly and rant for an hour afterwards and say that I hate my doctor when I know that I’m the one that made the appointment and she is just doing her job. I know that I will need a new wardrobe and that during pregnancy, I will probably end up getting a shot, I probably won’t be paralyzed and I will most positively make a mess everywhere but I don’t need to worry because everyone does.

I know that by the end of pregnancy, I probably would not be able to see my toes enough to paint them and I will have nine months of agitating my husband because he probably won’t let me go for runs, or lift boxes, groceries and the like. I am very much independent but I hope that I will welcome his help, when the time comes.

What I am having the hardest time what happens after my nine months of bonding with the tiny humanoid mix of my genes and his. When everything is said and done and we are holding a baby boy or girl. Hopefully, a healthy one.

I worry about my parenting, his parenting and work. You see, we have talked a lot. Talking is good in any relationship so we do it quite a bit. Sometimes it is loud but that is a whole nother ballgame. We talk a lot about the future. He wants to be a stay at home dad and I’m going to teach. That is what we decided and I am okay with it. I like the idea that one of us will be home for the kids. There is just one thing that branches off into a million other fears for me.

What if our kids hate me because I work? What if I miss everything and they like him better because he his home making meals for them, playing with them and being there for them? How can I be there when they fall if I am at work? I am so afraid that I am going to miss their first word, first steps and their first smile because I will be at work but not to worry, HE will be home with our children 24/7.

I will be in a classroom of my own, teaching children that belong to someone else. This is what I have always wanted to do, but I didn’t even consider how that would work with children of my own. He thinks I’m a superhero that saves the world and can do anything, but I’m not THAT good.

I will wake up, go teach until 4, come home and help him feed our children dinner while he talks about everything THEY did while I was absent. Then, I will help them get ready for bed and watch them as they sleep, only to wake up the next day and do it again. On week days, I will be a mother for a few short hours on weekends, I hope that I would be a good mother.

I will have nine months to bond with my children in a way that no one else can and then…then what? Are there any working mothers or fathers out there who can share your experiences with these fears? I know that it has been done because people have kids all the time and somehow manage to work to provide for the family.

Please post your comments below. I know that I can’t be the only one with these fears. Or, perhaps I am.

Lights in the Storm

This past Thursday, my sister-in-law, who is 15 years old, ran away from home. Her and her brother were adopted nearly five years ago and they have both done a lot of growing. She has had a few road blocks but has always had the support of her family, counsilors and many other people. She grew up having to take care of herself and younger brother, and I understand not wanting to let that kind of power go.

I was thirteen when I had my first job because my mom couldn't pay the bills. I love her dearly, but there were things that needed done and I had to grow up quick. My sister-in-law started at a younger age, making meals and taking care of her younger brother. When she was adopted, she no longer had to take on the responsibility of being a mother and she was allowed to lay aside her "grown-up" burdens for a time. This is a tough thing to ask of a ten or eleven year old. She's gotten in a bit of trouble since then but her support never wavered.

Thursday, she wanted to sleep in the camper outside of her mothers home. It's a nice little camper but the electricity wasn't hooked up and so her mom said no, not right now. She got upset, unable to understand that "not right now" doesn't mean never. She also doesn't like being told "no". No one does. The next day, she went to her appointments with her mom and then ran away from the appointment. A couple people tried to run after her, but she was gone.

The police had been looking for her. Friday, my husband and I got a phone call saying that they found her. We assumed that she had been picked up and everything was okay. That was my first mistake. She ran from them, cutting through yards and what not. She is a smart young lady.

Yesterday, my husband and I went to his mothers house. I created some "Missing" posters, found her new social media account and learned that she was safe, just stupid. She was hiding in plain sight! My mother-in-law and I went to businesses and asked them to hang up posters. A couple said that they couldn't most at least put the poster in the break rooms. To all of those who did help us by putting up posters, Thank you! One Subway said that they had seen her around and that they would call the number at the bottom of the poster if they saw her again. Then, McDonalds, I walked up to the counter, handed over the poster and delivered my: "Would you please help me by hanging up this poster, my little sister ran away from home a few days ago and we are still trying to find her." speech for the twentieth time (no joke).

The man who took the poster studied the picture and then excitedly began to inform me that he had seen her earlier that day and the night before. Apparently she had been eating McDonalds twice a day, from the same place. He said she was with two girls but described her as if she was standing right there, wearing different clothes than what she was wearing in the picture. I informed him that she was off her medicine which she needed and was digging herself a deeper hole. She needed to come home. He said that he would put the poster up in the break room and they would call when she came in again. This was around 6:30 or 7pm.

We went around to other places. I was at wits end reciting my speech another ten times, trying to convince others to help in my quest for finding this girl. One lady, I will never forget her. She looked like she was going to cry with me, or for me, and gave me the biggest hug she could. She said she would hang up the poster and pray for her safe return and for the family. Even if I wasn't the praying kind, I am so happy that she was unafraid to say that she would because I felt so much better. She was like an angel, sent to give me a hug and let me know everything would be okay. After I left the building, I felt this overwhelming sense of peace. I knew everything would be okay.

Around 9:30 pm, last night, my mother-in-law recieved a call from one of the local officers. They said that they recieved a call from a McDonalds and were able to pick up my sister-in-law. She did try to run but she didn't appear to be harmed in any way.

She is safe. Today, we have her hearing and I know that she will probably sent away for a bit but she will be safe. Then she can come home and we can work on mending trust.

I cannot say how much I appreciate everyone who helped by putting up posters, calling the number at the bottom and keeping us all in their thoughts. Even total strangers who aren't afraid to pray for you and hug you.

My Mimi would call that woman a "God Wink". Little things that let you know God is there. A light in the storm.

Thank you!

The Penny Pincher's Fondue

Hey there!


My husband and I just got a new-er refridgerator because our old one took it's last volt of electricity during a bad storm that took out the power (and apparently our fridge). Our new fridge works really well and I was treated to a nice surprise, today, when I pulled the strawberries from the depths of the cold cabinet and found them to be half frozen!

I cannot tell you how delicious they were!

Two of my favorite foods are strawberries and chocolate. I remember when I was in high school, combining foods that were cheap but tasted like heaven.

With strawberries, and I did this today, I take strawberries that I find on sale and a chocolate pudding cup (low sugar) and allow myself to have a small piece of heaven. It's not fondue but it comes very close and it is so affordable. Especially when I can get pudding cups, four for a dollar, at my groccery store.

Another treat that I indulge in, from time to time, is apples, chocolate and peanut butter! I take any apple, I'm a fan of them all, core and slice it. Then, I either have a chocolate and peanut butter pudding cup or I mix my own peanut butter and chocolate pudding. Dip and enjoy!

Wait, weight!

We live in a sad age where beauty has been defined by the shape, tone and texture of our bodies. The internet is the bane of true beauty. With all of our magazines, celebrities, shows like "America's Next Top Model" and "Biggest Loser", we all see beauty as something we are not. As a woman, I can say that I never feel beautiful because even at 125 pounds, I'm not thin enough. I have rosacea, which means I am in a perpetual state of blushing and dry skin. My hands aren't soft because I work hard and develop callouses. My skin is only slightly darker than snow but it isn't tan. I've tried and I look like a cherry for a day or two and then go back to being my bleached-skin self.

At 125 pounds, I don't feel beautiful. I'm in a war that I can't win with my body because my brain says I'm not thin enough, when I go to put on the swimsuit, but it also says that I'm back to dancing on the line between healthy weight and being underweight.

As a wife, I know that men don't escape the lens of beauty. I don't know how many times I have heard "I'm not toned enough", "I wish I had abs", "I need to lose weight". Thanks to American Eagle and other stores where  thin, toned, tan males are plastered on the walls in beyond life-size potriats, males can see themselves as less than what they are because the magnifying glass shows them what they aren't.

So, what do we do, ladies and gentlemen? We fall into the pit of despair and become victims of the diet and fitness scams. Don't get me wrong, eating healthy and staying active is a good thing, but all good things should be done in moderation.  Food becomes our center focus. Young men and women starve themselves when starving only breeds starvation. Or, we eat and make ourselves sick. Or, we just eat.

In high school, I ate one meal every other day. This means that I had 3-4 meals a week. I was busy with working and going to school, but we all are busy. 3-4 meals a week is no bueno!

More recently, I have been losing weight like that one strange episode of Dr. Who where the little adipose dudes just walk off your body and run around town. Weird. In January, I weighed 140 pounds. Now, I weight anywhere between 120 and 125. I wasn't conerned about my weight loss until one of my co-workers mentioned it. Then my husband mentioned it and his mom said something as well. I got the whole "You need to eat more" speech, nearly every day, from someone. I know they have the best of intentions, so I looked it up.

Several websites told me that the best way to gain weight is to eat more and do less.

Huh...obviously these people have never met me. I'm not a health nut but I eat at least two meals a day, do yoga every other morning, clean my house and work 20-40 hours a week. Added up, that is...roughly 30-50 hours of activity, a week. There are only 168 hours in a week. I sleep about six to seven hours a night. So, let's say 50 hours of sleep. That leaves roughly 68 hours open. I take walks, go for rides, play with my dog, go grocery shopping...basically, I don't sit still!

So, I asked my Aunt and my Dad who are both very dear to me and happen to know a little something about the body and medical stuff. They gave me the best advice ever! I will share it with you. Ready? Here it is:

Wait!

Yep, that's right hold off on looking at those numbers! As I have said before, we live in a society that no matter what we look like we will never be able to reach the media's definition of beauty. Men and women both have poor body image and that links to depression and stress which does less for you and can wreak havoc on your body (not always in the way you want it to). So, don't look at the numbers on the scale, instead, here is what you do:

1. Tell yourself that you are beautiful.
2. Respect yourself. 
 You wouldn't throw garbage at someone you love (unless you are my husband and I who throw straw wrappers at each other). You wouldn't throw a pail of grease or sticky, icky, gooey stuff at someone you love. Don't throw it at yourself. Eat well. Don't eat when you aren't hungry and don't stuff yourself. Put good things into your body (veggies, meats, fruits, bread...)Remember the food pyramid?
3. Be as active as you want to be. You don't have to go run marathons every day but you also don't have to be a couch potato. Go for a walk, even for five minutes.
4. Enjoy life.

When your body (including your mind) takes in all of the good things (food, nature, things you enjoy) you will start to feel good. When you start to feel good, you can see yourself (and others) in a new and better way.

5. Don't look at the numbers.

Bottom line, eat balanced meals (healthy, some say), be as active as you want and enjoy all the things that life has to offer.  You are beautiful! Yes, those American Eagle models and Victoria Secret Angels are beautiful too. BUT! They are individuals, unique in their own way (looks included). AND! Just because they weigh less than a penny doesn't mean that they are living a healthy lifestyle.

Healthy is only one part of what being beautiful means. Beautiful isn't any number or set of numbers.

Beautiful...

I want you to look at that word again. See what I see. The word has nine letters but only one of them is repeated.

beautiful

U

The beginning of Savor of Life

Welcome to The Savor of Life!  I tried to come up with a title that would encompass everything that I hope to share with all of you. From my struggles, growing families, arts and crafts and just general life.

Life is something that should be enjoyed. Something that should be savored. Too often, we forget about enjoying the little things, while we are worrying or stressing out about all the other things. Granted, there are times when we should put our attention on things that should matter. Still, there is no better time to pause and enjoy the beauty of life, like now.

From the flowers, to a word your child says. The way the person you love looks at you. Even the things that you enjoy, be it crafts, writing, exercising, watching T.V...savor them.